


The Rachel Maddow Show, 3 January 2012: Byproduct

by Elizabeth Perry (watersword), Wind-up Basilisk (windupbasilisk)



Category: Pundit RPF
Genre: #notintendedtobeafactualstatement, American Politics, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Dirty Jokes, Embedded Images, Embedded Videos, Gen, Google problem, Iowa, Kent Jones is a ninja, Lesbian Character, Multimedia, Not work safe, Political Campaigns, Queer Character, Screenplay/Script Format, TRMS, anal sex jokes, caucuses only sound dirty, crackfic, dan savage also known as sir not-appearing-in-this-fic, dan savage is a folk hero, fangirl brunch is dangerous, frothy mixture, hardin county is a real place, missing episode, no literally very liberal, not dial-up friendly, oh god we're sorry, okay we're not sorry, poop jokes, possibly too much of it, rick santorum - Freeform, santorum, scatalogical humor, scatalogical humor is the best humor, the only bad thing this fic doesn't do is rickroll you, there is no excuse, unless you have a very liberal workplace, we make our own fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 04:00:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watersword/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Perry, https://archiveofourown.org/users/windupbasilisk/pseuds/Wind-up%20Basilisk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A partial transcript, with graphics, of <cite>The Rachel Maddow Show</cite>, January 3, 2012, with special guest Anderson Cooper appearing, to discuss the Iowa caucus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rachel Maddow Show, 3 January 2012: Byproduct

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god we're sorry. This seemed like a really good idea over dim sum this morning.
> 
> First: Thanks to [@cirne](http://twitter.com/cirne) for her last-minute ~~cleanup~~ filthup of this. Second: a really disturbing proportion of the content here is textually supported. The graphs are all real, and have been taken from, in order, the Huffington Post, Gallup, and FiveThirtyEight. Three of the headlines Rachel quotes are real; we leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide which. The video clips are all taken from real episodes which aired on American TV; we merely edited one or two for length. There was a  TRMS on January 2 and 4, 2012, but none on January 3.

THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW, JANUARY 3, 2012

RACHEL

Welcome back! Tonight on "It's OK if you're a Republican," we'll be talking with the host of _Anderson_ and _Anderson Cooper 360_. Thanks very much for joining us tonight, even though I wish you'd come out here more often.

Camera turns to Anderson Cooper, sitting opposite, grinning.

ANDERSON

Well, Rachel, I like to save myself for something special. I knew you'd want me here for the discussion we're about to have, I didn't want to run the risk of wearing myself out.

RACHEL

Okay, okay, fine. We asked you here tonight because you've got special expertise, going back a year or two, in fact, in Republicans' language issues.

(Clip plays.)

RACHEL

And right now, one of the candidates in the Iowa caucus is having what's euphemistically being termed a "Google problem."

Anderson laughs.

ANDERSON

I don't know if it's a _Google_ problem, Rachel, so much as a...

RACHEL

We've actually talked a little about the Google problem here on the show --

RACHEL

And lately, that Google problemhas risen up again! Rick Santorum recently came from behind, so to speak, in the Iowa caucus, and is pushing number two _as we speak_.

(Graphic: Iowa poll results.)

ANDERSON

And as you've so ably demonstrated, Rachel, headline writers around the country are responding ecstatically.

RACHEL

Exactly. We've got the WCF Courier, "Romney Tops Santorum," CBS News, "Why Evangelicals Coalesced Around Santorum," "Bachmann Pulls Out, Leaving Romney and Santorum," "In Final Lap Santorum Comes From Behind," and right here on MSNBC, "Santorum says he has to top Perry."

(Graphics of each headline appear behind her as she speaks.)

ANDERSON

What you've got to remember at this point, is that Santorum is the _byproduct_ of an otherwise enjoyable activity. [Beat.] Caucusing.

RACHEL

Caucusing is one of the great joys of life! And it is a pity that we have to deal with Santorum in order to engage in such a healthy ...democratic ...activity.

Anderson laughs.

RACHEL

No, I'm serious!

ANDERSON

I don't think Santorum's presence in the campaign, even at this early point, is necessarily a healthy thing. I don't know that we have to have Santorum in order to have a good experience.

RACHEL

Well, you'd be the expert on that. So how is it that he seems to be everywhere?

ANDERSON

"Seems" is the thing, I think. He seems to be everywhere, but really -- Rick Santorum is not a compelling candidate for the Republican nomination, and the whole reason that he has a Google problem is that he has no media presence outside of it.

RACHEL

The only time there was a shower of media attention before this was when the Google problem started, back in 2003.

ANDERSON

You can make the argument that, in fact, these headlines, this Google problem, are bringing him media attention that he otherwise wouldn't attract. Flies to -- I don't know, it's not honey.

RACHEL

No. It doesn't speak well of the state of journalism --

ANDERSON

Of our colleagues' sense of humor, maturity level --

RACHEL

That this is what we're paying attention to tonight. I mean, it's always a pleasure to see you, Anderson, now that you're getting busy on that talk show couch of yours --

ANDERSON

Pleasure's all mine.

RACHEL

But the real problem remains, a remnant of the penetration of entertainment into politics and journalism.

ANDERSON

The thrust of the point I'm making here is, before these headlines started to get released, what was Santorum's position?

RACHEL

Um. Well, I think we have a -- Kent? Do we have the full picture of how Santorum rose up?

They both turn to look at the rear projection, where a line graph of Santorum's poll numbers appear.

ANDERSON

See, that's what I'm talking about. He backed off mid-month and then went all in right around Christmas. Which of course smoothed the way for every reporter in the country to make the surge the story.

RACHEL

Right.

ANDERSON

It's a cycle that gets more intense every time it comes around. Again and again, you just -- the way just gets easier and easier, because everyone _knows_ that this upswell of Santorum's is irrelevant. He'll be flushed out of the campaign by the end.

RACHEL

On the other hand,

(Anderson snorts)

there's the point that the media have become the real kingmakers, that the candidates who attract media attention are in fact the ones who succeed. Nate Silver --

ANDERSON

(overlapping)

Oh, you read the 538 --

RACHEL

Sorry.

ANDERSON

No, no, you finish.

RACHEL

Nate Silver's blog has been covering this, how getting the bump from Iowa depends not on just doing well, but on doing better than expected.

(Graphic: scatterplot graph of Iowa Performance and Expectations shaping news coverage.)

ANDERSON

The stories that entertain the journalists are the ones that get traction.

RACHEL

Journalists amusing themselves is what's driving this.

ANDERSON

The whole thing is just us making a candidate for the highest throne in the land the butt of jokes.

RACHEL

I take your point -- you and I are part of the problem.

ANDERSON

Well, yeah. Me especially.

(beat)

Which is to say, those of us who identify as serious journalists owe it to the process not to _be_ part of the process.

RACHEL

I mean, right now I'm biting my tongue to keep from saying anything about how Santorum's all over Hardin County. Oops.

ANDERSON

(is clearly trying to keep a straight face)

Hardin County?

RACHEL

He made contact with a lot of people, I guess.

ANDERSON

Got them excited.

RACHEL

The personal touch is important to a lot of people in the beginning.

ANDERSON

It really is, Rachel, especially when you're trying to get someone to try out a new position. Most people are comfortable just sticking with the tried-and-true political position they've been using their whole adult lives.

RACHEL

It's a sticky problem.Some people will get really upset if you try and introduce something new right at the last minute.

ANDERSON

I think he had the right of it, though. You know that you really can't get some people to change their mind one-on-one, but if you're willing to get a whole community together in a town hall, then before you know it --

RACHEL

Santorum everywhere.

ANDERSON

I just --

(hysterical giggles)

RACHEL

Anderson, are you -- okay, seriously, dude, I've seen this YouTube clip.

  


ANDERSON

I'm sorry!

RACHEL

Oh, God, I --

([clears throat](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OLsKt4O4Yw8#t=135s))

I don't understand. How are you getting enough _oxygen_?

ANDERSON

Practice.

RACHEL

This is amazing. I am not going to lie, Andy, I have watched that YouTube clip _over_ and _over_ and now I get a personal, live performance!

(She turns to the cameras.)

Folks, no matter how great you think this is, I can assure you it is a thousand times better in person. Anderson Cooper, everyone.

FADE OUT to the [sound of Anderson giggling](http://youtu.be/78D8WqtFen8).


End file.
